Sunday 14 April 2013

Poetry please- Peter Pan never had this problem.

The following came about due to a writing exercise for a critiquing group that I belong to. The exercise was to write a conversation with ones shadow in 200 words or less. At the time I was going through a very painful split. I was finding it still difficult to break away from my life partner and best friend as at that point our lives had become so intertwined....and in some ways I didn't completely want nor have the strength to. Introducing a bit of comic poetry was just the ticket!



Perpetual Shadow

"Why won't you go away?"
"Why don't you want me to stay?..... Don't you like me anymore?"
"I liked you better before!"
"Before what?!"
"You're a copy cat that's all."
"I don't think that's it. There's something you are not saying."
"But you're not going to like the way this is going."
"Why? Where is it going?"
"Somewhere else... I'm sick of there being two of us, I am sick of saying we.."
"Hang on just a tiny moment? Are you breaking up with me?"
"Look dude we had a good run, lots of shennanigans but now...I just want you gone."
"There's no way you are getting rid of me. I will stalk you you're whole life if I have to. I can't just let you go."
"Next you will be saying we are meant to be together."
"Well we are! I've known you like forever!"
"Well If Peter Pan could stick himself to his shadow, I can certainly unstick myself from you"
"Give it a try I dare you... I'm stuck to you like burnt tinfoil on a baking tray."
"I don't think that's how that's supposed to go."
"Oh so now my metaphors not good enough for you. What the hell did you want me to say?"
"You stick to a person like glue you moron not kitchen utensils."
"Tinfoil isn't a utensil and neither is a baking tray."
"Well whatever its academic. Its time for you to go away."
"That's my point.. It's not possible.. We're stuck like this. There's no getting out of it. We're fixed."
"Well this is a nice mess I have found myself in. What the hell am I supposed to do with you?!"
"You'll just have to put up with me hanging round. I'm just always gonna be here. Sorry dude!"










Sunday 27 January 2013

Critique Blog Hop 2 #400 words FIRST DRAFT




Saffron looked on bitterly as the finishing touches were added to the pyre and the congregation muttered and jeered. They were growing restless. Both they, and the pyre were ready now.
“I knew you would be the making of me. I just didn't realise it would be this much” She said turning to Heléna who was being held firmly by a priest guard.
“You are learning what loyalty is, then, what power costs, and what love is worth out here. I can be thankful I have taught you something at least. I could teach you more!”
“I am sorry Heléna, but I have a son. My family would have always come first, even if they didn't hold the same values, the same heart”
“You could save me. In memory of our time together. I could teach you more! Exile me or punish me some other way! ”
“Heléna”, Saffron answered, “You arranged to have my husband murdered. Your greed has put you here, if I did nothing, you would have me wrapped around your finger again, before.
“Please, my lady” Heléna began to beg, slipping out of the guards reach and falling down onto all fours. Saffron nodded and the muscled priest- guard grabbed at the back of Heléna's dress, and dragged her back up, tearing it as he pulled, baring her back and shoulders for the waiting crowd.
Saffron had wanted to comfort her and meet her on her knees, but she couldn't risk it being one of her tricks. She looked up at the guard who seemed just as terrified of Heléna as she was.
“We can't save you My lady Heléna. We daren't”, the guard nodded in agreement
Heléna sighed, 'worth a try' and smiled happily, as though she were a child going to a new sweet shop rather than a master manipulator waiting to meet her death.
“I could reveal your secrets, tell the crowd that you don't believe! They will listen, they will remember.”
“They might, but probably not. The people love to see the mighty fall lower than themselves. They care not a jot what you say, only how much they get to humiliate you, how loudly you scream as the flames fan at you, and the smoke smothers your breath”
“You are smarter than you first appear, Saffron”
“Being the wife of a priest king I had witnessed more of these things than most. I know how they go Heléna”
“You know how they went, but not this time!”

The Evolution of the edit: The trials and tribulations of a proofreader

My thoughts on the evolution of English use in terms of proofreading and editing problems!


The Evolution of the Edit
I started out proofreading at university as part of the tutoring I offered international
students. Back then it was all fairly simple. I would say phrases like: 'We don't

really use that', or 'Don't forget the S'. As my students got better and better I noticed

they grasped more about English grammar rules than I ever did whilst I was at school.

Years later I stumbled across an essay by Johanna Stirling detailing the need to teach

'used' rather than 'book' English. It argued that English language usage was never

truly wrong because any nonsensical phrases or modern slang were in use and
therefore correct. This did not sit well with me at the time: would I have to
start teaching terms like 'innit' and 'fairly unique'?

However, as I started moving from teaching to editing I noticed that nobody really
knew how commas worked, what a split infinitive was, or how to not dangle a participle.
I studied official grammar rules carefully and found quite a few surprises! I hadn't realised
quite a lot of the truths about grammar.

 I then studied creative and academic writing a little more carefully; even some of the most talented writers I knew didn't really get how to 'write' if I judged their work by the standards of the grammar and expression
rule book. I then started to look at businesses, websites and shops, and I found the same
thing. The rules were clearly defined. For example everywhere seemed fairly well versed
in possessive apostrophes and capitalisation, but had no idea about semi-colons and colons.
Like the teaching of English as a foreign language, grammar and spelling are evolving and
a lot of the rules no longer apply in every day usage. Does this not mean the rule book is
erring on the side of inaccuracy?

I cannot remember the last time I heard someone use the word 'die' to mean one 'dice'.
They just don't use it! Surely this should mean that 'a die' is no longer a valid expression?
The same is the case for semi-colons and colons: if not many people use these correctly
or understand them completely, does their usage not become the fashion in which
they are popularly used rather than what the rule book says? 

In the past I have had writers approach me, asking why I have added or taken away a
grammar mark or spelt something differently or changed a tense, because, to them, even
upon careful study, what I had done was incorrect. However, it was technically accurate. The
problem with that is it isn't how proofreading and editing work any more. What is technically
accurate to me is not always accurate to the reader of a text, and if it is not, they
usually notice it and presume it hasn't been written properly!

The unfortunate truth is that a lot of proofreading and editing is guesswork. It might be
educated guesswork, but that is still what it is. A good editor or proofreader will take into
account your audience and what kind of rules they will be expecting and want to see in
your writing. The only thing they can do is arm themselves with knowledge of the perfect
technique, the modern concept of the perfect technique, the fashion and sometimes canon
for the type of writing they are looking at, and choose which rules would best fit
the project. Sometimes it is even a combination of different rule choices.

It is a difficult task, but hopefully as our language evolves and our notions of grammar,
spelling and expression do also, the rule books will start to reflect the true nature of
practical writing instead of traditional theory.


**During the writing of this article, I sat opposite a fellow proofreader and we argued
over every iota of the text, which brought it home to us that there is no consistency in
current proofreading practice. I am amazed this article managed to get proofed and online!


Original article can be found here: http://creativewording.com/news.html

Critique Blog Hop

Critique Blog Hop!

A bunch of share and share a like writers! Read and critique! (For the good of the colony and aspiring writers everywhere)
  Rules HERE  : http://jennifermeaton.com/sunday-snippets/

Lee-ul watched. She watched and waited and stared as she sat.          
                                                                                                                                                            The weave of the young, the dread of the trapped old Renvarr, and the parental pride as their cubs tore the monster’s bloodied skins away.  Knowing one day she would do this; scratch at its face dress herself in its bloody fur and collectively taunt it before watching it die, she licked her paws clean and closed her eyes, imagining that she was waiting, to take life away from the creature.  
  
When it was her turn three years later the elation excited her breathing, her heart, and dried her mouth once more.  Leeul stood without garment but with a make-shift spear in her hand.  Her strong legs were fixed in a stance.  She began to circle the creature, tied down as it was.  Her friends each in turn started to run at it, yelling, moving deftly, and stabbing its rough skin. Lee-ul relishing the moment couldn’t help but go for its eye. She used all her strength to gouge at its right vision and de-wedge her piece of flint.  

After that she was expected to retract and let her peers stab at it next.  She did not.  Bloodthirstily she assailed its mouth and peeled away the first fraction of skin to be had.  As she did this everything stopped.  The crowd was silent and the mutilated Renvarr seemed to be laughing at her.

Two strong Shemai grabbed her from behind. Lee-ul was then twisted around to face them, helpless.  With a grunt Dahil released her  and watched her body fall to the ground.  Lee-ul howled as she felt the bones in her arms and legs crack.  Lee-ul’s peers rushed to grab her and pulled her broken body towards the post where the injured Renvarr was tied. Lee-ul began to scream, to yel,l to beg:  

“I’m sorry!” she shouted. “Please” she entreated her captors who apathetically carried on tying her next to the Renvarr. 

She had never been this frightened but at the same time felt the same excitement as when she had first seen a Renvarr killed. She moved to wet her mouth, blocking out the pain in her arm and legs and began to struggle free.  

“Stay right here” Aniis held her fast as she was firmly tied next to Renvarr and the other cubs stepped back panting, ready and desperate to rush in.  Her old friends ran towards her.  Lee-uls death was in their eyes. She cowardly shut hers and tried not to listen to the beat of her comrades’ feet pounding the ground as they charged towards her.  

Animal” 
“Coward!”
“Thief!” 

They shouted insults at her as flint started to graze and pierce her young skin. She felt the wounds and scratches to be deep and mostly on her lower torso and legs but she did not open her eyes.  “Open them!” She heard Dahil’s voice say.  Even as she felt rough claws try to pry her eyes open she dared not to look.  

She moaned and shook from the pain of the repeating assaults wondering which of her school-friends had caused each wound.  She cried out and felt tears at the thought of her people hurting her so.

But then, the insults and yelling were suddenly not there.  No new grazes or cuts on Lee-uls skin.  No sound at all, so she opened her eyes.  

First she saw Aniis who seemed to be frozen in time his face still contorted, his eyes still fiery, his breathing still hurried..  Then his face softened and Lee-ul turned to look around seeing her friends staring at the ground, shoulders slumped.  No-one in the crowd could meet her gaze but guiltily averted her curious stare.  

Then Lee-ul saw her benefactor, the woman who had stopped it all just in walking by.  She looked tall and graceful; she walked towards Lee-il, her skirts and robes sauntering around her lithe body.  She bent and stroked Lee-ils face, stood up and turned:  

“I think perhaps… you have overreacted Dahil” 

Her voice was quiet as she tilted her head and smiled with all her teeth. Dahil knelt at her elegant blue skirt and Eniis did the same.  Dahil whispered: 

“but we thought… she… should be punished.” 

Aniis nodded and almost inquisitively chimed 

“She should be made example of?”  
“Indeed?" The lady replied  "And who will make an example of you?  And who decides how far they take their punishment?”  

The lady said as she played with the tops of their manes:  

“You should not be frightened of me” She directed herself towards the Renvarr and grabbed one of its arms, swiping it at Lee-ul who yelped in fear and shame.  When the Renvarr pulled its arm back everyone could see a mark on one side of Lee-uls cub-like face. She had been wounded by the captured Renvarr’s talons and an imprint of its claw was now across her jaw mouth and nostril. The pain was more than her broken limbs and flint wounds put together. 

“There is your example!  It needs no parade. Do  continue.”  

She smiled again with her teeth untying Lee-ul and carried her away from the town square.  Lee-ul lay in the lady's arms breathing like the wild animal that was still tied to the post.  The agony and the resentment started to fuse together. ‘Lee-ul’ she thought, ‘the claw-marked Shemai who had never killed a Renvarr’ .  For her, it was shame and punishment enough.

ttp://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

Monday 1 October 2012

No.2 Get up and learn from your most recent crash!

Why did you crash?  What was wrong with your writing?  You will be surprised what mistakes you spot once ANYONE can spot it for you and point and laugh!

Wait a little longer.... allow others to point it out!  Don't defend yourself... don't edit it....  Just let it go!  

The next time you crash it will seem like an exciting theme park ride and you will just get used to its speed because, lets remember, you aren't in control of the brakes!

I am dying to defend mine, explain it or just delete it.  No excuses, no reasons- lets just enjoy the rollercoaster!

Remember, no roller coaster- no rocket launcher!

The source of my shame!



Lee-ul watched. She watched and waited and stared as she sat.          
                                                                                                                                                            The weave of the young, the dread of the trapped old Renvarr, and the parental pride as their cubs tore the monster’s bloodied skins away.  Knowing one day she would do this; scratch at its face dress herself in its bloody fur and collectively taunt it before watching it die, she licked her paws clean and closed her eyes, imagining that she was waiting, to take life away from the creature.  
  
When it was her turn three years later the elation excited her breathing, her heart, and dried her mouth once more.  Leeul stood without garment but with a make-shift spear in her hand.  Her strong legs were fixed in a stance.  She began to circle the creature, tied down as it was.  Her friends each in turn started to run at it, yelling, moving deftly, and stabbing its rough skin. Lee-ul relishing the moment couldn’t help but go for its eye. She used all her strength to gouge at its right vision and de-wedge her piece of flint.  

After that she was expected to retract and let her peers stab at it next.  She did not.  Bloodthirstily she assailed its mouth and peeled away the first fraction of skin to be had.  As she did this everything stopped.  The crowd was silent and the mutilated Renvarr seemed to be laughing at her.

Two strong Shemai grabbed her from behind. Lee-ul was then twisted around to face them, helpless.  With a grunt Dahil released her  and watched her body fall to the ground.  Lee-ul howled as she felt the bones in her arms and legs crack.  Lee-ul’s peers rushed to grab her and pulled her broken body towards the post where the injured Renvarr was tied. Lee-ul began to scream, to yel,l to beg:  

“I’m sorry!” she shouted. “Please” she entreated her captors who apathetically carried on tying her next to the Renvarr. 

She had never been this frightened but at the same time felt the same excitement as when she had first seen a Renvarr killed. She moved to wet her mouth, blocking out the pain in her arm and legs and began to struggle free.  

“Stay right here” Aniis held her fast as she was firmly tied next to Renvarr and the other cubs stepped back panting, ready and desperate to rush in.  Her old friends ran towards her.  Lee-uls death was in their eyes. She cowardly shut hers and tried not to listen to the beat of her comrades’ feet pounding the ground as they charged towards her.  

Animal” 
“Coward!”
“Thief!” 

They shouted insults at her as flint started to graze and pierce her young skin. She felt the wounds and scratches to be deep and mostly on her lower torso and legs but she did not open her eyes.  “Open them!” She heard Dahil’s voice say.  Even as she felt rough claws try to pry her eyes open she dared not to look.  

She moaned and shook from the pain of the repeating assaults wondering which of her school-friends had caused each wound.  She cried out and felt tears at the thought of her people hurting her so.

But then, the insults and yelling were suddenly not there.  No new grazes or cuts on Lee-uls skin.  No sound at all, so she opened her eyes.  

First she saw Aniis who seemed to be frozen in time his face still contorted, his eyes still fiery, his breathing still hurried..  Then his face softened and Lee-ul turned to look around seeing her friends staring at the ground, shoulders slumped.  No-one in the crowd could meet her gaze but guiltily averted her curious stare.  

Then Lee-ul saw her benefactor, the woman who had stopped it all just in walking by.  She looked tall and graceful; she walked towards Lee-il, her skirts and robes sauntering around her lithe body.  She bent and stroked Lee-ils face, stood up and turned:  

“I think perhaps… you have overreacted Dahil” 

Her voice was quiet as she tilted her head and smiled with all her teeth. Dahil knelt at her elegant blue skirt and Eniis did the same.  Dahil whispered: 

“but we thought… she… should be punished.” 

Aniis nodded and almost inquisitively chimed 

“She should be made example of?”  
“Indeed?" The lady replied  "And who will make an example of you?  And who decides how far they take their punishment?”  

The lady said as she played with the tops of their manes:  

“You should not be frightened of me” She directed herself towards the Renvarr and grabbed one of its arms, swiping it at Lee-ul who yelped in fear and shame.  When the Renvarr pulled its arm back everyone could see a mark on one side of Lee-uls cub-like face. She had been wounded by the captured Renvarr’s talons and an imprint of its claw was now across her jaw mouth and nostril. The pain was more than her broken limbs and flint wounds put together. 

“There is your example!  It needs no parade. Do  continue.”  

She smiled again with her teeth untying Lee-ul and carried her away from the town square.  Lee-ul lay in the lady's arms breathing like the wild animal that was still tied to the post.  The agony and the resentment started to fuse together. ‘Lee-ul’ she thought, ‘the claw-marked Shemai who had never killed a Renvarr’ .  For her, it was shame and punishment enough.




















No.1 If you're going to crash REALLY go for it!!!!!

So first things first!  

Crash deliberately and show all your friends and people who you respect as writers.  Make an absolute idiot of yourself!  

You can do this in two ways.  First, (the easy way out) deliberately write something TERRIBLE.  Second, find the worst (not necessarily the first) thing you have ever written and expose it to ridicule!  

Online is a great way to do this but if not, show it to a friend or two.  Laugh at yourself.  Once you get used to the laughter and the bruises you really won't care and your courage will spark up and fly across town like a Rocket Launcher! 

 In my next post I will be putting my money where my mouth is and be showing you the worst thing I have ever written!